Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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