yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
