listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
