I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
