So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
