So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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