I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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