Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
