she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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