I cannot find my penis.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
