the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
