so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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