"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
