I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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