I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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