she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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