I just pynch a tree in the face
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
