ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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