if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
