his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
