The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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