hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
even my farts smell like vagina
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
