We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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