I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
