I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
