Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
