My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
