So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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