...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh god it's open bar.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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