Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My ass is underappreciated
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
