First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
