Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
