what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
