also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
