Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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