There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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