I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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