she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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