Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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