Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
