Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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