either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
