We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
