i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
