i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
