watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
