do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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