One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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