I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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