First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
